An observation by an autistic woman in the movie, Molly, says it perfectly:

“… In your world, almost everything’s controlled, but for us it’s all a jumble, and sometimes you just have to scream. So people look at you strangely … They get very upset when we scream, but often I know that they would just like to scream themselves.

I think what I find most strange about this world is that nobody ever says how they feel. They hurt but they don’t cry out. They’re happy but they don’t dance or jump around. And they’re angry, but they hardly ever scream ‘cause they feel ashamed, and nothing’s worse than that; so we all walk around with our heads looking down and never look up and see how beautiful the sky is.”

Is there anything worse than being ashamed?

Nobody starts life that way; we come into this world uninhibited and unembarrassed -blissfully innocent.

Innocence Undone

It doesn’t take long before the bright lights of reality shatter that bubble of bliss.

Sometimes those realities are too harsh; precious innocence is ravaged by traumas that never should happen but tragically do, replacing basic security with terrifying vulnerability and eroding the fundamental sense of self-worth.

Sometimes the undermining of esteem is much more subtle.

It can be as innocent as well-intended but poorly executed efforts to teach moral and social consciousness. A shame-based and overdeveloped sense of guilt developed in childhood leaves us vulnerable. We may unconsciously embrace the message of guilt while failing to grasp the concept of grace. It’s a sad imbalance that leaves behind one clear message: “YOU SHOULD BE AHAMED OF YOURSELF!”

Left unchecked over time, such faulty messages can destroy us from the inside out.

In the best and healthiest of developmental situations, complete innocence eventually yields to a self-conscious awareness of right and wrong, a capacity to understand whenever we fail to “measure up” in some way - AND the ability to feel ashamed.

A dose of inner discomfort that alerts us when we go off track and prompts us to make the needed adjustments is a good thing. But it’s supposed to be temporary.

There’s an enormous difference between feeling terrible because we did or said something that wasn’t okay - terrible enough to apologize and move in a better direction - and feeling terrible because we think we are not okay.

Shame is more than self-consciousness; it’s self-reproach. No matter what causes someone to develop a sense of inadequacy, inferiority, or even worthlessness as a person, the truth is

we aren’t meant to live in shame.

I’m not worthy!

Despite our best efforts to explain away our shortcomings, rationalize our bad decisions, and forgive ourselves for our failures, we may still be haunted by past scenes we’d give anything to erase, scathing moments we want nothing more than to take back.

Unfortunately, no matter how sorry or ashamed we may be, there’s no delete button to undo the embarrassments, mistakes, and regrets of the past, the hurts we suffered, nor - even worse - the ones we caused.

And no matter how far or desperately we run to escape the nagging sense of reproach, we never outrun ourselves.

The first time shame replaced innocence, Adam and Eve did what people still do; they hid. They sought cover among the trees in hopes that God wouldn’t see them. I think we use distractions in the same manner, hoping we don’t see ourselves.

Maybe we think if we don’t look at our shame, it will go away. Only it doesn’t. Somehow, we keep ending up back at the same place: Guilty. Ashamed. All too well aware that we aren’t enough.

How do we reclaim a sense of worth when we feel so completely unworthy?

When Adam and Eve were overwhelmed with shame, it was GOD Who came to their rescue:

He’s been busy restoring dignity ever since!

When we don’t see and can’t believe in our worth, here’s a vital truth to embrace:

Satan wants us trapped in a permanent cycle of self-loathing, weighed down by guilt, focused on our failures, and frustrated by all the ways we are not enough … in other words, dwelling on our shame instead of our Savior.

We weren’t the authors of our dignity; God was. And no matter how hard we work at it, we can’t be the answer to our shame.

The most liberating thing I ever did was to give up trying to solve a problem only God could fix. The truth is …

I could spend the rest of my life ashamed and regretting that I’m not “worthy,” but I’d rather spend it awed and rejoicing in the ONE Who is.

**When I *deserved* shame, God ASSIGNED dignity.**

God invites us to exchange our shortcomings for His sufficiency. Instead of dwelling on whatever shame we deserve, we can dwell on the glory HE does. We can trade in being overcome with guilt for being overwhelmed by gratitude.

And instead of being obsessed by all the ways we are not “enough,” we can be overjoyed because of all the ways HE IS.

Blessings until next time, Kim